Tell Me About It

Tell me about it child I got you.
Tell me about your pain.
Tell me about your gain. 
Tell me about the tears, fears and jeers.
Tell me what version of success is driving you.

Lord I am tired.
Lord I am out of creativity.
Lord I feel all the feels as my bestie says.
Lord love on me. 
Lord help me rest in your complete to all my incompletes.

You have choices.
Stay or go.
Happy or sad.
Love or hate.
Live complete or die bound. 

Choose well my friend.

The Truth

2016 I OWN YOU 

The truth is so allusive, seriously what is real? What is true? We filter the truth through our perceptions and spit out a version of the truth tainted by our culmination of brain imprints.  

This year my word is TRUTH, TRUE, TRUTH SAYING,TRUTH HEARING and any other version of this the word TRUE.  

Truth is concrete and firm. Its something you can stand on. Wishy washy words not grounded in truth are time wasters that generally lead me astray in my thoughts and actions. They steal my peace and ain't nobody got time for that.

Here are my non-negotiables that I believe will keep me on task to meet my big audacious goals for this year.

1. Love and serve God with a passionate obedience that is immediate. God does not create chaos.

2. Listen to voices from the committee in my head with grace and patience, they are learning that the old way of the thinking is done now. Perfectionism and negativity are dead to me.

3. Hope and positivity are not just for the well medicated they are for me too. Pursue these always.

4. Give my best to God first, Husband second, Family third, All Others next.

5. Rest is not optional it is a requirement. Rest doesn't have to be traditional, it has to be unique and beneficial to me.

My oldest daughter is in a 20's hard core pursuit of her truth, I dismissed it as rubbish for me. Honestly though, I needed to write out what my truth is. I invite you to recklessly authentically write your list. Please be real with yourself, don't copy from your neighbor on this 2016 test.  You only get to take it once. Start with the end in mind, plan to finish well.

2016 I own you.

PSmith

Just A Normal Tuesday

Looking back over my blog posts I have realized as mess and pain have unfolded like salty waves on a gritty sandy beach I have become a shell housing a heart. Layer on layer I try to protect my heart. Fat, food, poverty, service, hearsay and truth all fighting for the real me.

You want the truth? I am so concerned with protecting all in my life from the torrential rain of feelings that would fall if I were to actually be "Recklessly Authentic." The damage my opinions unchecked by grace could do that I say the politically correct version of every dumb thing that comes along. Fear I declare you don't hold me but you have slipped in.  Over your slimy self too.

A more realistic name for my blog should be "Recklessly Wimpy." Seriously how many times do we hide our real opinions so that the peace is kept.  My entire life I have been trying to keep the damn peace and I am over it. Sometimes people just need to face the dirt in their lives and do what it takes to love like God asks, to be faithful to his call, to rest, to give, to live. Do the hard work so you and those around you can experience not just a not terrible existence here on earth, but life and life more abundantly.

Abundance is such a relative thing but what if we gave abundant honesty a try, abundant compassion, abundant unconditional generosity.

Going into the 2015 Holiday Season you may not recognize me, hell I don't know what God is up to but I do know that he said he is faithful to finish the work he started in me.  By his grace and mercy I will be able to live up to all the things I think others should be doing. Lord help my judging heart to see mercy in brokenness.

Father you are the only one who can say to the ocean waves, '"Peace be still." Over this life of mine hush the waves.

Response to "The first Day" Written by My family of Women

I saw you walking alone, alone yes but with purpose.  For some God reason there was a boldness in my heart to call you.  Reaching out into the unknown was actually a part of my job description at the time, but now it's kinda a lifestyle...... This day was different, guided, intentional.  You see a couple of weekends before at a church event something in my heart was sparked in way that had never experienced.  A brief conversation about nothing and everything, left me wanting.  Praying for daddy for my girls, daring to pray for a husband.  So I called......"Sure come over."  The door opened to myself, Moriah and Ephesia's future. Standing at the threshold of that door, one minute alone desired by no man, to raise my beautiful daughters, the next sitting on the couch watching football with my best everything.   Played out in front of me was a man of action with  the kindest eyes, the desire to attend to needs (wants), an all around aura of happy that was almost scandalous I mean who does that, no game face, no attitude only acceptance, only embrace of destiny.  Ok that was a little cheesy but looking back it's true, there are some moments that define your life for me even as I was in the present living those precious moments.  God was etching it on my brain.  Not going to lie I didn't want to leave to go home that evening.  The chemistry was undeniable.  The feeling of I belong here was unshakable.

That day there were 2 other people standing at the door who have over the years caused many a series of unfortunate events for Dee and I. Insecurity and abandonment.  Being guided by the Holy Spirit overruled them that day, silenced their paralyzing words.  With the bravery of a warrior and the softness of a women full of promise that the Lord knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper not to harm, plans to give me a hope and future, the God fought and won those negative voices I cannot fathom how my life would be had he not.

I knew this was my husband from the very beginning.

Mr. Smith has given me so much, all the little moments about everything and nothing have taught me grace and mercy, lived out joy and laughter, experienced peace and challenge.  Life intentional not forced.

That awkward moment when......

You see some one live and in person who you are "friends" with on facebook and they look you dead in the eye and don't recognize you.  Uh yeah that's awkward.  Really weird to be honest.  I wish I could say I said something witty, or bad ass or sarcastic but no I just chickened out and said nothing.  Yep NOTHING! Which is weird because I always have something to say.

Lately the words have been getting tangled in my mind before they can be let out my mouth.  The filter system has gotten clogged up with lack of confidence and failure to execute favor.  It's been an issue since I was a child, it's gotten  better over the years, mostly because as I get older I just don't take everything so stinking serious.  It is just not that big of a deal.  And I choose to believe that I am beloved by God and honestly I want others to feel it too.

Today why why why did I over think this FB friend thing, I guess because somedays I spend a crazy amount of glances at what my "friends" are doing on FB, perhaps that time could be spent actually talking in person live to a real friend.   Or being intentional about being present when you are with people, recently a family I just adore, put a bowl in the entry way of their home on Thanksgiving with instructions to turn off all cell devices, this was going to be an "old school" time of conversation and family time.  What I love was that the people who were in the house were the people making the memory and no one else was living it real time online with them.

Technology has its advantages but it only works if you have a real relationship, in real life.  In real life you are have to be authentic, you have to make mistakes and forgive, be happy in successes and compassionate in losses.  Be willing to get in the mess and help in the clean-up.

Awkward moments happen oh well.......

Not Crazy

It's an adventure being a mom to teenagers.  They want to be grow but they want to be taken care of  also .  When it feels like its a no win situation I am so glad I have a compass in the word of God to show me the truth.  You can't get much bigger than the creator of the universe to ground you and remind you that the stability of your sanity is intact, and you are so doing an amazing job at parenting.

Seeing my girls go through struggle and tension of growing up I wish I could take the hard stuff away, I wish I could do it for them.  Standing my ground and not being run over by the Mack truck of attitude is a challenge for me, time is too short to live with regret of missed opportunity and cowardliness in discipline.  Someday I want to be their friend, right now I'm mom, I will always be mom but adding friend will be fun.   The struggle is worth it when I see them succeed, they are so far ahead of where I was at their age.

Proud mom moment when your teenager texts you an apology for a stinky attitude, with in minutes not days!!!

Wouldn't trade this mom gig for anything in the world.

Grace Glue

Grace to stay married, everyone needs it.
It may seem like a given, but its not, your mate has sin.
Sin like your sin, sin that hurts like your sin hurts them, hurts God.
Grace from the blood of Jesus is glue, glue to hold it together FOREVER.
Divorce rips your heart flesh into shreds.
God has an endless supply of grace glue to fix it.

I don't know why this is so on my heart to write today, I guess because sometimes I can get so wrapped up in what someone else did to me that I forget to check my heart, my motives, my concern.   In the area of marriage it can be easy to let things slide DON'T DO IT! Be engaged in your mate, if you were telling God the truth on your wedding day that from this day forward you are committed, be committed.

I have been on the darkside, of crappy married times and even divorce.  The grass isn't greener, invest and water where you are, what God has joined together let no man, even yourself put asunder.  Or stating another way put us under.

Today I am in so love with Mr.Smith can't wait for him to get home from work.  Cheesy love from an honest place is the best.

Rambling from the heart.......