Fast or slow life is going to happen. Big time or tent city you have to do this thing called life. Sharing my steps, sorrows, and joy is my goal. For you to bust out of ruts, think differently. My story is being written every day by grace and so is yours. Thank you for reading be blessed.
It has been a year of up and downs, mostly downs to be frank. I want to have this year imprinted on my brain so that the lessons God is throwing at me I will remember almost as much as I wish I could forget it like a bad dream. My walk through the valley of the shadow of death takes me home to this place on the threshing floor. A threshing floor is a place where the chaff was separated from the wheat by beating the ever lovin hell out of it. Only what was left was the good stuff, stuff that could be beneficial. That's why I am here to be that.
Oh come on Pam is it really that bad? Cut with the drama.
People, I am so not kidding it really has been that hard. You could think that a person in grief over the death of her father and of her marriage would be exempt from correction from above, not so. Apparently, the Lord thinks I have this insane capacity for pain, he's right. Only for Him though. Only a God size love can take me through death valley and the threshing floor experience.
In the past, I could have said this and that season was the hardest, this is profoundly different. Here at the place where the weight of life makes me question the ease of breathing I am fully given to the Lord.
Lessons of late are learning that when I feel that waves of loneliness and hope deferred are threatening to take over God's word in Psalm 117 is freaking for real. That His big love has taken over our lives, God's faithful ways are freaking eternal. (Pam paraphrase from the message paraphrase) Manna and quail, fishes and loaves really happen here in 2017 and I have to appreciate that my propensity to lose it is in check mostly about the last minute timing of the Lord.
Brene Brown vulnerability requires a supernatural level of authenticity that I have only been dreaming of but unable to attain because of my high confidence in self and low trust in the creator. Saying this is just a statement of fact. We suck at letting go, we suck at letting God take over the ugly parts. God is really interested in me being the bride who knows how to be when I hit heavens streets someday. The real bare ass truth of it is that I have for years wanted to be real. For you all to know me. The name of this blog is reckless authenticity, I have been super safe not prone to authenticity blogger because I am scared. What the hell happens when my heart is exposed? When the ugly parts shine? Well either God is real and loves me too much to leave me and he will give me the strength here in this place or he isn't.
Grateful to God for a bestie from heaven, an Ezekiel grandson who gives me hope that the dry places in our home can come to life and daughters who remind me I am their world. Thankful to God for provision from heaven not just money stuff. The heart desires too, Africa to my doorstep, teaching world changes, creating beauty, sharing out of need and abundance.
Joy in the hard places is still just joy but it definitely tastes sweeter here.
Fast or slow life is going to happen. Big time or tent city you have to do this thing called life. Sharing my steps,missteps,joys and tears is my goal. For you to bust out of ruts, think differently. My story is being written every day by grace and so is yours. Thank you for reading be blessed.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Sunday, August 13, 2017
Monday, October 8, 2012
Transition
Transition- "a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another" noun, "to make a transition" verb.
Life for this girl is one of perpetual transition for those stuck in mundane or monotonous day to day life, I kinda envy you. I feel like if any one thing in my life gets more than 3 months of my attention it is permanent........
Current list of stable things, Husband had him for 11 years, kids had them for 17 years, job had that for 3 years, apt for 3 years. Jesus has been with me every moment of my life, he knows my yesterdays, today and tomorrows, and he still is passionately for me.
In transition is our church community and schedule because of Dee's new internship with the Christian Non-Profit Urban Impact. We have been praying and asking God for this position and now that he has it I want to be on the team by not getting tripped up about a lack of schedule and getting involved in a new church group. When you are giving birth to something the transition time is the hardest, its also the time right before something is birthed completely
During this process I have been feeling so guided and comforted by God to trust him all the way. To not doubt that God is up to something, that God has a big plan for Dee and I in the area of ministry. It's who we are, people who give and serve and I want to be one who makes her daddy proud.
There are moments when I feel not so confident in my abilities, thank you Jesus it is not it not me who makes me able. It's Jesus. Moments where I think to myself why me Lord? Why did you choose me to do this, to be here at this moment in history? I can only conclude I got what someone else needs, my obedience to selflessly serve someone else will bring freedom.
Who around you is not free? Who has got some debt, some frustration, some lack that you because of your great faith in Jesus you can cleanse with some salt and shine some light on. Freedom isn't free. There are days when I wonder if I have what it takes to pay that price, truth be told none of us do, but God daddy does.
Loving my life right now, wouldn't trade my position of reliance, vulnerability, and grace that that the Lord has me coming to Him for all matters regarding my sanity, plans and dreams.
Life for this girl is one of perpetual transition for those stuck in mundane or monotonous day to day life, I kinda envy you. I feel like if any one thing in my life gets more than 3 months of my attention it is permanent........
Current list of stable things, Husband had him for 11 years, kids had them for 17 years, job had that for 3 years, apt for 3 years. Jesus has been with me every moment of my life, he knows my yesterdays, today and tomorrows, and he still is passionately for me.
In transition is our church community and schedule because of Dee's new internship with the Christian Non-Profit Urban Impact. We have been praying and asking God for this position and now that he has it I want to be on the team by not getting tripped up about a lack of schedule and getting involved in a new church group. When you are giving birth to something the transition time is the hardest, its also the time right before something is birthed completely
During this process I have been feeling so guided and comforted by God to trust him all the way. To not doubt that God is up to something, that God has a big plan for Dee and I in the area of ministry. It's who we are, people who give and serve and I want to be one who makes her daddy proud.
There are moments when I feel not so confident in my abilities, thank you Jesus it is not it not me who makes me able. It's Jesus. Moments where I think to myself why me Lord? Why did you choose me to do this, to be here at this moment in history? I can only conclude I got what someone else needs, my obedience to selflessly serve someone else will bring freedom.
Who around you is not free? Who has got some debt, some frustration, some lack that you because of your great faith in Jesus you can cleanse with some salt and shine some light on. Freedom isn't free. There are days when I wonder if I have what it takes to pay that price, truth be told none of us do, but God daddy does.
Loving my life right now, wouldn't trade my position of reliance, vulnerability, and grace that that the Lord has me coming to Him for all matters regarding my sanity, plans and dreams.
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