Life Here In My Brain

Fast or slow life is going to happen. Big time or tent city you have to do this thing called life. Sharing my steps, sorrows, and joy is my goal. For you to bust out of ruts, think differently. My story is being written every day by grace and so is yours. Thank you for reading be blessed. 



It has been a year of up and downs, mostly downs to be frank. I want to have this year imprinted on my brain so that the lessons God is throwing at me I will remember almost as much as I wish I could forget it like a bad dream. My walk through the valley of the shadow of death takes me home to this place on the threshing floor. A threshing floor is a place where the chaff was separated from the wheat by beating the ever lovin hell out of it. Only what was left was the good stuff, stuff that could be beneficial. That's why I am here to be that.

Oh come on Pam is it really that bad? Cut with the drama. 
People, I am so not kidding it really has been that hard. You could think that a person in grief over the death of her father and of her marriage would be exempt from correction from above, not so. Apparently, the Lord thinks I have this insane capacity for pain, he's right. Only for Him though. Only a God size love can take me through death valley and the threshing floor experience. 

In the past, I could have said this and that season was the hardest, this is profoundly different. Here at the place where the weight of life makes me question the ease of breathing I am fully given to the Lord. 

Lessons of late are learning that when I feel that waves of loneliness and hope deferred are threatening to take over God's word in Psalm 117 is freaking for real. That His big love has taken over our lives, God's faithful ways are freaking eternal. (Pam paraphrase from the message paraphrase) Manna and quail, fishes and loaves really happen here in 2017 and I have to appreciate that my propensity to lose it is in check mostly about the last minute timing of the Lord. 

Brene Brown vulnerability requires a supernatural level of authenticity that I have only been dreaming of but unable to attain because of my high confidence in self and low trust in the creator. Saying this is just a statement of fact. We suck at letting go, we suck at letting God take over the ugly parts. God is really interested in me being the bride who knows how to be when I hit heavens streets someday. The real bare ass truth of it is that I have for years wanted to be real. For you all to know me. The name of this blog is reckless authenticity, I have been super safe not prone to authenticity blogger because I am scared. What the hell happens when my heart is exposed? When the ugly parts shine? Well either God is real and loves me too much to leave me and he will give me the strength here in this place or he isn't.

Grateful to God for a bestie from heaven, an Ezekiel grandson who gives me hope that the dry places in our home can come to life and daughters who remind me I am their world. Thankful to God for provision from heaven not just money stuff. The heart desires too, Africa to my doorstep, teaching world changes, creating beauty, sharing out of need and abundance. 

Joy in the hard places is still just joy but it definitely tastes sweeter here. 

This is it going after blood.

There are so much unusual to me thoughts swirling in my brain.
Cray cray thoughts that are grounded in my truths.
What the f*** is truth anyway.
What can we really see anyway?
Love is a mirage thirsty wanderers long for.

I have fought so hard for so long for something that I thought was grounded .... and true...... turns out that what folks say about fighting for your rights it is true.  Most of the time your gut don't lie.
No one fights like you fight for yourself.  Stand up and fight. Fight smarter. Get your ducks in a row. Cry on the inside like a winner. All of it necessary and true.

Also, want to know what else is true? My mom was right, so redemptively completely right about there being givers and takers in this world.
What am I? What are you? Why could we not get that straight?
I am so over crying over being sorry for asking for love. For asking to be treated humanely. For wanting to have my value acknowledged. To not be the taker when it feeds your unhealthy giving. To not be the giver when you are so content to take.
To be honest, if you don't want to give and/or take what is mine with and exchange with dignity then f*** you.

What am I sorry for?
What am I telling the world by apologizing for everything?
Questions are so free to swirl with the cyclone of thoughts. I wish that the solutions would come as fast and furious as the committee in control of my brain spits out the questions.

Yeah, this is a mess of mess of a mess with a side of mess.
Here is where the Christian platitude hope is supposed to be inserted and to be quite honest I don't have it.

I need the real, authentic kick ass hope that is found in the power of blood. Feeling like this week where the pain of skin getting ripped, flesh mangled for my sin, for my pain is really only the way redemption could be accomplished. Here is the power in the blood of Jesus. Straight to the source from the source. I have a mafia boss who was out for blood to reclaim the parts of my heart that are covered in the mess.

Jesus, I need you, forever in a chasm with depths unknown sort of way, more than I thought possible way, I need you.  You are absolute truth and absolute hope that does not fail. You are the one who deserves my sorry.

Never can I repay you.
Grace and Mercy I am sorry we haven't been close lately.

Yup "On A Tuesday"

It seems Tuesday is rage day for me. As much as I understand theoritically God is in control, when the unthinkable happens in my family I am shocked at my lack of control. Perhaps control isn't a measure of success I should base my worth around but I do. Functioning willy nilly, raged, animilistic in my emotions for me does not feel well. Others maybe that is what lights you up, me not so much.

Solace comes from this theoritical knowledge, converted to fuel for the heart to rest. To understand pure rest in it's fullest framework of peace it's richest when battle tested in these explostions of life. Contrast brings an unusual clarity.

Emanuel God with us. In firefights of life and the serenity of the quiet chatter of lush forests, Emanuel is how I live in the already not yet journey day by day.

Please Father Lord over all continue to show me where the abolistionist, the preacher, the writer, the athelete, the spouse, the mother, the friend needs to fight this minute.  On time to hear or speak with words of generosity, flourishing love, gratitude for the small and big.

Protect my heart from hardening Lord.

PSmith

Love SO Right

Love done right is sooooo good. Love gone wrong, well we been there.

Love that is right is many times buried deep in situations not so loveable.

Love that's right not going to lie fills me full like no other.

Love that's right is ethereal.

No one likes a complainer so let me leave you with if love gone wrong is your normal, drop a bomb in that crap and move on.

Life is short eternity is long.

Destined For Greatness

Why do people not live the life they deserve??

Yes life gets crazy but it is my belief that you have to start at the basics to build up your "bravery quotient" to a level that you have the strength to not just start a new way of living but for it to carry on to a place of completion.

Weight loss has been a life-long  excursion for me. From the insane to the moderate but always a presence. Like the Gilligan's Island gang going on a 3 hour tour, that lasted how many seasons??

2016 marks a new trip for me. The creation of a beautiful body colored with love for my curves and muscles. Shaded hues layering trust and grace to give depth to this I want to say journey but that is so overused. Depth to this living canvas posted confidently alive in the already not yet.

Too many years have been spent living with regret. Regret kept me from living the life God has for me. No longer bound. I'm free.

Freedom Thoughts

FREEDOM

Freedom between blacks and whites has changed my days. Today on the day we honor Dr. Martin Luther King I am filled with gratitude that is huge. I am privileged to be able to marry the man of my dreams who happens to have skin dense with melanin so attractive. My children are blessed to move freely, not bound by "Whites Only" signs.

With all of the progress that has been made there still a sincere lack of outrage at the white privilege that continually holds back the future of non-white. Black lives lost in the streets to brutality.  I pray my grand kids will have a life beyond snap judgments and violence based on skin color.

Your voice matters.
   
Sin separates and demands chaos. Love draws you in and creates unity.

Today make a choice, chaos or unity?

Tell Me About It

Tell me about it child I got you.
Tell me about your pain.
Tell me about your gain. 
Tell me about the tears, fears and jeers.
Tell me what version of success is driving you.

Lord I am tired.
Lord I am out of creativity.
Lord I feel all the feels as my bestie says.
Lord love on me. 
Lord help me rest in your complete to all my incompletes.

You have choices.
Stay or go.
Happy or sad.
Love or hate.
Live complete or die bound. 

Choose well my friend.

The Truth

2016 I OWN YOU 

The truth is so allusive, seriously what is real? What is true? We filter the truth through our perceptions and spit out a version of the truth tainted by our culmination of brain imprints.  

This year my word is TRUTH, TRUE, TRUTH SAYING,TRUTH HEARING and any other version of this the word TRUE.  

Truth is concrete and firm. Its something you can stand on. Wishy washy words not grounded in truth are time wasters that generally lead me astray in my thoughts and actions. They steal my peace and ain't nobody got time for that.

Here are my non-negotiables that I believe will keep me on task to meet my big audacious goals for this year.

1. Love and serve God with a passionate obedience that is immediate. God does not create chaos.

2. Listen to voices from the committee in my head with grace and patience, they are learning that the old way of the thinking is done now. Perfectionism and negativity are dead to me.

3. Hope and positivity are not just for the well medicated they are for me too. Pursue these always.

4. Give my best to God first, Husband second, Family third, All Others next.

5. Rest is not optional it is a requirement. Rest doesn't have to be traditional, it has to be unique and beneficial to me.

My oldest daughter is in a 20's hard core pursuit of her truth, I dismissed it as rubbish for me. Honestly though, I needed to write out what my truth is. I invite you to recklessly authentically write your list. Please be real with yourself, don't copy from your neighbor on this 2016 test.  You only get to take it once. Start with the end in mind, plan to finish well.

2016 I own you.

PSmith

Just A Normal Tuesday

Looking back over my blog posts I have realized as mess and pain have unfolded like salty waves on a gritty sandy beach I have become a shell housing a heart. Layer on layer I try to protect my heart. Fat, food, poverty, service, hearsay and truth all fighting for the real me.

You want the truth? I am so concerned with protecting all in my life from the torrential rain of feelings that would fall if I were to actually be "Recklessly Authentic." The damage my opinions unchecked by grace could do that I say the politically correct version of every dumb thing that comes along. Fear I declare you don't hold me but you have slipped in.  Over your slimy self too.

A more realistic name for my blog should be "Recklessly Wimpy." Seriously how many times do we hide our real opinions so that the peace is kept.  My entire life I have been trying to keep the damn peace and I am over it. Sometimes people just need to face the dirt in their lives and do what it takes to love like God asks, to be faithful to his call, to rest, to give, to live. Do the hard work so you and those around you can experience not just a not terrible existence here on earth, but life and life more abundantly.

Abundance is such a relative thing but what if we gave abundant honesty a try, abundant compassion, abundant unconditional generosity.

Going into the 2015 Holiday Season you may not recognize me, hell I don't know what God is up to but I do know that he said he is faithful to finish the work he started in me.  By his grace and mercy I will be able to live up to all the things I think others should be doing. Lord help my judging heart to see mercy in brokenness.

Father you are the only one who can say to the ocean waves, '"Peace be still." Over this life of mine hush the waves.

Response to "The first Day" Written by My family of Women

I saw you walking alone, alone yes but with purpose.  For some God reason there was a boldness in my heart to call you.  Reaching out into the unknown was actually a part of my job description at the time, but now it's kinda a lifestyle...... This day was different, guided, intentional.  You see a couple of weekends before at a church event something in my heart was sparked in way that had never experienced.  A brief conversation about nothing and everything, left me wanting.  Praying for daddy for my girls, daring to pray for a husband.  So I called......"Sure come over."  The door opened to myself, Moriah and Ephesia's future. Standing at the threshold of that door, one minute alone desired by no man, to raise my beautiful daughters, the next sitting on the couch watching football with my best everything.   Played out in front of me was a man of action with  the kindest eyes, the desire to attend to needs (wants), an all around aura of happy that was almost scandalous I mean who does that, no game face, no attitude only acceptance, only embrace of destiny.  Ok that was a little cheesy but looking back it's true, there are some moments that define your life for me even as I was in the present living those precious moments.  God was etching it on my brain.  Not going to lie I didn't want to leave to go home that evening.  The chemistry was undeniable.  The feeling of I belong here was unshakable.

That day there were 2 other people standing at the door who have over the years caused many a series of unfortunate events for Dee and I. Insecurity and abandonment.  Being guided by the Holy Spirit overruled them that day, silenced their paralyzing words.  With the bravery of a warrior and the softness of a women full of promise that the Lord knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper not to harm, plans to give me a hope and future, the God fought and won those negative voices I cannot fathom how my life would be had he not.

I knew this was my husband from the very beginning.

Mr. Smith has given me so much, all the little moments about everything and nothing have taught me grace and mercy, lived out joy and laughter, experienced peace and challenge.  Life intentional not forced.

That awkward moment when......

You see some one live and in person who you are "friends" with on facebook and they look you dead in the eye and don't recognize you.  Uh yeah that's awkward.  Really weird to be honest.  I wish I could say I said something witty, or bad ass or sarcastic but no I just chickened out and said nothing.  Yep NOTHING! Which is weird because I always have something to say.

Lately the words have been getting tangled in my mind before they can be let out my mouth.  The filter system has gotten clogged up with lack of confidence and failure to execute favor.  It's been an issue since I was a child, it's gotten  better over the years, mostly because as I get older I just don't take everything so stinking serious.  It is just not that big of a deal.  And I choose to believe that I am beloved by God and honestly I want others to feel it too.

Today why why why did I over think this FB friend thing, I guess because somedays I spend a crazy amount of glances at what my "friends" are doing on FB, perhaps that time could be spent actually talking in person live to a real friend.   Or being intentional about being present when you are with people, recently a family I just adore, put a bowl in the entry way of their home on Thanksgiving with instructions to turn off all cell devices, this was going to be an "old school" time of conversation and family time.  What I love was that the people who were in the house were the people making the memory and no one else was living it real time online with them.

Technology has its advantages but it only works if you have a real relationship, in real life.  In real life you are have to be authentic, you have to make mistakes and forgive, be happy in successes and compassionate in losses.  Be willing to get in the mess and help in the clean-up.

Awkward moments happen oh well.......

Not Crazy

It's an adventure being a mom to teenagers.  They want to be grow but they want to be taken care of  also .  When it feels like its a no win situation I am so glad I have a compass in the word of God to show me the truth.  You can't get much bigger than the creator of the universe to ground you and remind you that the stability of your sanity is intact, and you are so doing an amazing job at parenting.

Seeing my girls go through struggle and tension of growing up I wish I could take the hard stuff away, I wish I could do it for them.  Standing my ground and not being run over by the Mack truck of attitude is a challenge for me, time is too short to live with regret of missed opportunity and cowardliness in discipline.  Someday I want to be their friend, right now I'm mom, I will always be mom but adding friend will be fun.   The struggle is worth it when I see them succeed, they are so far ahead of where I was at their age.

Proud mom moment when your teenager texts you an apology for a stinky attitude, with in minutes not days!!!

Wouldn't trade this mom gig for anything in the world.

Grace Glue

Grace to stay married, everyone needs it.
It may seem like a given, but its not, your mate has sin.
Sin like your sin, sin that hurts like your sin hurts them, hurts God.
Grace from the blood of Jesus is glue, glue to hold it together FOREVER.
Divorce rips your heart flesh into shreds.
God has an endless supply of grace glue to fix it.

I don't know why this is so on my heart to write today, I guess because sometimes I can get so wrapped up in what someone else did to me that I forget to check my heart, my motives, my concern.   In the area of marriage it can be easy to let things slide DON'T DO IT! Be engaged in your mate, if you were telling God the truth on your wedding day that from this day forward you are committed, be committed.

I have been on the darkside, of crappy married times and even divorce.  The grass isn't greener, invest and water where you are, what God has joined together let no man, even yourself put asunder.  Or stating another way put us under.

Today I am in so love with Mr.Smith can't wait for him to get home from work.  Cheesy love from an honest place is the best.

Rambling from the heart.......

Authentic Progress

Progress: a movement toward a goal or to a further or higher stage

That is the word of the day Progress.  It really sucks when you feel stuck. There are so many methods to help us get unstuck.  Books, blogs, Youtube videos, apps on devices, hourly tweets by our favorite motivational gurus.  On and on the list goes with all the info invading my brain you would think that I would see some crazy progressing results.  I would be in shape, weigh less, in control of my emotions, have a published book, lots of money and children who don't ever bicker and disagree.

Interesting the times that I have seen the most progress is after I have lived some of the most ridiculously hard to imagine surviving it times.  During these times we who are believers pray like the Bible encourages us to, without ceasing.  Crazy hard  like the infamous bed bug invasion, or the almost getting evicted thing, or the kid just did the unthinkable years.   I can remember not too many years, ago the bravery it took to answer the "do you need anything" question with honesty, I can remember crying (not uncommon even now) after ladies bible study and answering I just want to buy fresh fruit for my family, and my friend without hesitation gave me 20 bucks.  Was I looking for a hand out NO not at all!  I am who I am now, generous, because I have been taught generosity from my friends and family.  Fast forward to yesterday I'm standing at Winco  I got all teary because I was able to buy groceries for the whole week, for the 3rd week in a row.   Over and  over I am grateful to be out of a storm not just because it bites to be in the drama but for the lessons learned in the test.  End result progress.  

Progress and I have had a love/hate relationship for years. I have been entranced by the idea that progressing away from where I am brings more success, more peace, more results that measure my worth.  Truth is worth comes from God and every day I have a choice to go forward or go backward.  Understanding that "working" it out from the position of rest, absence of worry, is something possible by God's gift of faith.  I have been saying for the last couple weeks that "I want to rest well so that the rest will be well."  Living relaxed and not edgy about my progress I rest in the process and not beat myself up because of the results I am better, my family is better.  Interesting this concept of "doing less" can create more positive  results.  Living with intention, is a powerful stance, be  you.  

That's pretty much it......  

"Be brave. Be strong.  Don't give up.  Expect God to get here soon." Psalm 31:24 msg

Yep that's it........

YOGA

Tonight I went to Yoga.  After a couple of years of being fairly active I have let it all slide, sliding food on to my plate and sliding out of strength training.  Recently I revisited "gentle yoga" it has been a humbling thing to see really where my body is at, before I sorta in my mind mocked it because what good does it do, how many calories are getting burned, where's the sweat, and my most favorite criticism only "granola" types do yoga.  Positioned on the lavender mat doing "gentle" positions my body and I were having a conversation, mostly consisting of me telling it to buck up, me questioning its ability to take me where I need to be me being critical of me.  Then something shocking happened, I started to cry. Anyone who knows me knows the crying isn't the shocking part, it was just that at that moment I was so frustrated with my lack of coordination and my excessive shape that just kept making it hard, then the teacher said "Just let it go" whatever expectations you have for your body right now let it go.  Concentrate on breathing.

Inhale deep
Exhale sigh and let it go. 

The things you hold onto that are not necessary take up space and create excessive shape in your brain.  They fill you mind and heart with worry. 

Inhale deep
Exhale sigh and let it go.

Criticisms of yourself and others take up space, crowding and pushing, creating excessive shape.

Inhale deep
Exhale sigh and let it go.

".... I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open spacious life.  We didn't fence you in.  The smallness you feel comes from within you.  Your lives aren't small, but your living them in a small way.  I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection.  Open up your lives.  Live openly and expansively."
1Cor 6:11-13 MSG

Inhale deep
Exhale sigh and let it go.

Concentrate on breathing through it all, God has got you.

MARRIAGE ITS NOT ABOUT ME

Any of you who have the idea that marriage is all rainbows and unicorns do not have a firm grasp on reality.  What people tell you is true that being married will be the most selfless thing aside from having kids that you will do in your life.  I am not writing this to bash my husband or to get all blah about relationships.  My goal is to confess that I am a selfish person, that continually needs Jesus to help me get my eyes off me.

My amazing husband is doing a new ministry  job that is essentially his dream job, and while I am happy for him I am looking at IT (the ministry job) through the eyes of envy, I am wishing I had that assignment.  How many of us do that ? I can't be the only one who looks at other people's assignments and wish I got to do that.  I have always thought that envy was a terrible character flaw that stops my the person who has it's growth.  It actually can do so much more damage,  it is a joy stealer.  Who wants to be that wife who takes the wind out the sails of her husbands success?? Not me.  The irony of it is that a lot of times for me it is something agreed, endorsed and come to fruition because of prayer, so why are we shocked when it happens?    If we passed the test to have faith to stand for a miracle for our spouse why why when it happens do I get negative   It's about focus, it gets the focus off of God who deserves the glory and it gets disunity fueled in the marriage.  

Don't be a joy stealer, celebrate the success of your man, ultimately his success is your success too.   Don't get all feminist on me and scream what is she saying she is putting herself on hold for him...... not a chance.  God has us all on a journey willingly or kicking and screaming we are living proof that humanity is a work in progress, in constant need of grace.

I am convinced that if I can get out of the way long enough God is going flip the switch and light up my future with success that I have been dreaming and praying for.  So so excited for what  is happening.  This season of  rest for me is a foundational, if I can rest well the rest will be well.  

Transition

Transition- "a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another" noun,  "to make a transition" verb.

Life for this girl is one of perpetual transition  for those stuck in mundane or monotonous day to day life, I kinda envy you.  I feel like if any one thing in my life gets more than 3 months of my attention it is permanent........  

Current list of stable things, Husband had him for 11 years, kids had them for 17 years, job had that for 3 years, apt for 3 years.  Jesus has been with me every moment of my life, he knows my yesterdays, today and tomorrows, and he still is passionately for me.

In transition is our church community and schedule because of Dee's new internship with the Christian Non-Profit Urban Impact.  We have been praying and asking God for this position and now that he has it I want to be on the team by not getting tripped up about a lack of schedule and getting involved in a new church group.  When you are giving birth to something the transition time is the hardest, its also the time right before something is birthed completely    

During this process I have been feeling so guided and comforted by God to trust him all the way.  To not doubt that God is up to something, that God has a big plan for Dee and I in the area of ministry.  It's who we are, people who give and serve and I want to be one who makes her daddy proud.  

There are moments when I feel not so confident in my abilities, thank you Jesus it is not it not me who makes me able.  It's Jesus.  Moments where I think to myself why me Lord? Why  did you choose me to do this, to be here at this moment in history?  I can only conclude I got what someone else needs, my obedience to selflessly serve someone else will bring freedom.  

Who around you is not free?  Who has got some debt, some frustration, some lack that you because of your great faith in Jesus you can cleanse with some salt and shine some light on.  Freedom isn't free.  There are days when I wonder if I have what it takes to pay that price, truth be told none of us do, but God daddy does.

Loving my life right now, wouldn't trade my position of reliance, vulnerability, and grace that that the Lord has me coming to Him for all matters regarding my sanity, plans and dreams.  

New Season

Ok so yeah it has been almost a year since I wrote a new blog...... I wish I could say it is because of some great reason, honest truth is I wimped out.  The name of my blog is Recklessly Authentic these past months I have felt anything but reckless or authentic.  My inclination is to protect myself protect my heart and lie.  Not big whopper lies, just little ones like everything is fine, Oh life is great or here's a good one it's no big deal.
God has been doing some open heart surgery on my marriage and instead of fixing my husband which is what I have been telling God is the issue for years, he is fixing me.  And it hurts and it sucks and its embarrassing that my life isn't perfect like I think it should be.  Big new flash it's not about me!!!!!! This process is not about me and my ideal life, its about the plan and purpose God has for me, my man, and my family.  And most importantly the people that God is going use us to bring change to.  My struggles are not for me to learn lessons and get victory although that will happen.  It's for the person I run into that has the same look of shell-shockness that their life is  turned upside down that I can bring hope because God brought me through and he will for this person too.


Two years in a row I went to Uganda for a "mission trip" what happened was a  life shift.  Mr. Smith with grace and strength let me go, he started blogging as a way to express what it was to be on the other side of the world without me.  Today Mr. Smith is launching out and beginning a new chapter not around the world, but around the corner on the other side of Rainier Ave. It's one thing to bring the gospel of Jesus to people on another continent that you may not ever see again, but it takes a certain bravery to bring the gospel of Jesus to your neighborhood, people you will see at the grocery store, the library and at your kids school.  So proud this morning of my husband, the man who leads our family, provides and makes my life and so many others shine.

I don't know it might be another year till I blog again who knows but today I am grateful, content and resting in all the good and abundance God has given our gang.

Sweet Exchange

The sweet exchange between myself and my savior.........

Worry for Peace
Doubt for Trust
Self-sufficiency for Rest
Confusion for Clarity
Poverty for Wealth
Weight for Lightness of heart
Depression for Joy
Oppression for Freedom
Harshness for Gentleness
Nobodyness for Somebodyness

The list goes on and on and on and on.............

Stuck on Honesty

How do our filters of honesty work? And how very badly do we need God to fix our decrepit, depraved idea of the truth, that we dish out day in day out. 
I think in blogosphere you don't have to say this is my opinion over and over since the obviously the person writing is expressing their opinion.  But just in case I want to make it clear I am a speaking of my own warped honesty screen!!! That being said in general I consider myself not too bad of a citizen. 
Recently it hit me as I returned a bunch of emails  (trying to clear the very full inbox)  I answered the question "How are you" so vastly differently. I understand that friendships and relationships are at their own unique stages, but wow it is amazing the "creative latitude" the English language can allow us to express ourselves with.   The passive/aggressiveness, it wasn't really a lie, it just wasn't the whole truth. 
Were our parents right growing up?  "If you can't say something nice don't say any thing at all"  Or do we bravely face the not nice and speak the truth in love, like the bible say to.  It's the in love (not in anger, frustration, weariness) part that challenges me. Tact I really believe is a gift, I trend towards blunt and not so compassionate, or I don't say anything until I blurt out the wrong thing at the wrong time with the wrong attitude.
What's the action plan???? To be discerning what part you are playing in God's story of your life and the life others and do your best to not screw up!  With Jesus in your heart making it a go the filters are crystal clear.
What if you screw up? Your turn from the way you are going and go the other way.  Messes happen, when you have family and friends and co-workers life will be messy.  You can always re-calibrate ( a bunch of my friends have been using that word, I can't take credit) the idea that we can re-focus and lock in to a missed target is amazing, I am all for the second chances.  Grace is real.